Lessons Learned in Lava

So... we went to Lava Hotsprings for our annual family trip.  We floated the river, we soaked in hot pools, we played Ultimate Frisbee (poor Kell sprained her ankle the first like 3 minutes in!), we swam at the pool, we played games, squished pennies on the railroad tracks, and did hair wraps in each other's hair.  It was all the usual and fun things we do in Lava!

However, for me, this was not my favorite event of the summer this year.  It was the end of a flurry of busy busy weeks. Since arriving home from Alaska we had hit the ground running and not stopped.  I have already posted aaaaall the stuff we did, but it seriously seemed to suck the life out of me.  Though it took me a long long time to figure out that I was stressed.  I felt busy and overwhelmed with to-do lists, but didn't realize the toll it was taking until we got to Lava and Malcolm was freaking out over swimming in the water, I was frustrated, and then SNAP!  I'm at the pool, in the glorious sunshine, surrounded by loved ones and a place that is usually one of my "happy places" and I'm not happy.  I felt drained, fatigued, and sad sad sad.  I was crying at the pool.  In the peak of summer sunshine happy happy joy joy-ness!  I was just done and so tired of being tired and unhappy.  It didn't go away either.  I felt sadder and sadder until I was finally wondering if I needed clinical help.  I looked back on the weeks previous and though there were bright spots of happy times, I felt like I wasn't liking life.  I didn't like my children, I didn't like anything.  I felt like all I wanted to do was stay in bed and sleep away everything because in sleep there isn't anything.  Bad signs!

After much prayer and examining of what I was prioritizing my life on, I decided there was a good chance it was just stress, and poor management of it.  I had crammed my schedule full and was focused more on the cleanliness of my house or what people would think of ___.  So I made a game plan that I shared with Ryan.  That I would end each day by putting all the stuff away.  It drove me crazy to wake up to yesterday's mess when today's mess was just starting.  I tried harder to start the day before the kids got up.  Even if it was only to be awake before Malcolm came into my room so I was just mentally more prepared to be 'up'.  And I tried to pray in the morning before starting every day.  I put less stress on getting exercise, and tried to just fit in some core strengthening exercises to get a good base.  I let just a little be enough and tried not to feel guilty that I wasn't say, running 30 min. or getting my heart rate up.

And you know what?!

Nope, not what you think.  It wasn't over night.  it wasn't night and day.  It wasn't a light switch suddenly turned on.  It was very gradual.  Day by day I tried to let my burdens go.  I tried to focus on playing with my kids rather than cleaning the house--which was made easier by the fact it was clean at the start of the day now.  I could focus on them more.  And after a week-- last week in fact-- a whole week, I feel better.  I like life again!  I like my children and can find the joy in their presence again.  I'm more patient.  I'm living rather than surviving.

It still takes daily effort to refocus my brain.  Plus the prep work for tomorrow before I go to bed at night.  I have to be purposefully a part of life.  It's weird. It's not like any major life event happened.  No one died. I just let weeks and weeks go by where I let myself get dragged down.  You know that whole frog in boiling water thing?

I still have had days where I lose focus--usually particularly tiring ones--where I almost feel that downward drag again.  (Hence the post back a ways titled "Enough".  Not posted on a good day...)

I also try to not focus on the fact that I think it's silly I should feel this way at all.  What do I have to be sad about?  Life right now is good!  But the fact is, that I did feel that way.

I don't want this post to be dreary, it's a good thing!  A life lesson learned.  That no matter how "right" life is going, the snares are there and you can get caught.

So... yep, that's all.  Stuff is good now!  I'm happy!  Yay!

The End...ish.  :)



Oh!  and another thing... After that week of de-stressing, I lost weight!  LOTS of weight.  I'm now 5 lbs away from goal weight and my clothes are falling off me.  It's amazing what stress does to your body.